The Return of the Habsburgs?


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UPDATE – 20 July 2014 – AlpinAle has released the final schedule for the film festival and Habsburgs will be played on Wednesday, August 6th. The event starts at 20:30 and the first film begins at 21:00. All the action happens in Nenzing. Click here for the complete schedule of films!


UPDATE – 25 April 2014 – Return of the Habsburgs won the audience pre-selection for the AlpinAle Film Festival in Austria and has therefore earned a place in the lineup. Johnny Magnum and the Habsburgs will hit the big screen in August 2014. More info to follow!


The idea came about when we posed the question, “What would happen if Rambo did wife carrying?” Around the same time, John had just moved to the sate of Vorarlberg in Austria and was interested in competing in a local film festival. In order to compete in the “Local Film” segment of the festival, the film had to be about Vorarlberg in some way, shape or form. The basic story was formed: the Rambo character will wife carrying in Vorarlberg. But the hero needed a reason to be there.


With the 100th anniversary of World War I on the horizon, a WWI theme was appropriate. Because John paid attention in his high school history classes, he knew that the 3rd most famous Austrian family is the Habsburgs (The Hitlers and Schwarzeneggers are competing for 1st, the other gets 2nd). With the classic Habsburg motto, “Bella gerant alii, tu felix Austria, nube!” (“Let others make war, thou, happy Austria, marry!”), and a hint of underage marriage, the story took care of itself:


On the 100th anniversary of World War I, the Habsburgs attempt to return to power by marrying into the most powerful family in the world – that of the President of the United States of America. To do so, they’ve kidnapped the First Daughter and brought her to Vorarlberg, Austria to tie the knot with a Habsburg Prince. Johnny Magnum, a wife-carrying expert, is the only man who can rescue her before the wedding.


The Habsburgs would kidnap the US President’s daughter and marry her into their family and create the Austro-American Empire. Johnny Magnum (the Rambo-type character), the best Special Forces soldier (i.e. wife carrier) in the history of America, would rescue her. Simple and awesome.


Download the original script – complete with typos – here


Please feel free to download a free copy of the Return of the Habsburgs script. You’ll notice that the final movie is different from the script – a tight budget, lack of resources, and creative ideas on the day account for those differences. Use the “Contact” tab above to leave any comments for the cast and crew. Please tell us what you loved or hated!